Episode 3 started with a pointless recap of episodes 1 AND 2! I hate recaps at the best of times but to recap both previous episodes is mad. At this rate, by the end of the series the whole hour will be taken up with recaps and they'll just have to cut straight to the boardroom for the firing.

With the recaps out of the way, we joined the candidates in the house as they relaxed on a night off. Most of them were in pretty funky summer-wear and I wasn't sure for a moment if I was watching Shipwrecked or The Apprentice.

Their evening was interrupted when Sir Alan came knocking. He told the teams he was going to give them £200 for them to do pretty much what they wanted with. Their task was to come up with a one day service business and see who could get the biggest return.

Tre was elected as project manager for the remaining boys in Eclipse, now joined by Katie.
Naomi was chosen, reluctantly, as project manager for Stealth, which Jadine rejoined.

Both teams were to operate their businesses in Richmond - one of the most affluent parts of the UK. Stealth decided to setup a face painting business for kids, despite it being a weekday during term time. They initially got a trickle of kids but then struggled to find any more punters. Gerri was tasked with "location", but it seemed like a hard challenge because where is the right location for a face painting business when all the kids are at school?

They attempted to position themselves near a school as the kids left but were too late to get any business. But even if they had got their earlier, I'd have thought most mums on the school run would just want to get home and not hang around for face painting.

Eclipse decided to run a gardening business, with half the team (Lohit, Paul and Katie) asked to go door to door and find the jobs, and then send the crack team of gardeners over to get the job done. They initially struggled to find the jobs in a well-to-do residential area where the gardens were well kept, but then did eventually get some work for the boys, although seemingly underquoted on price considering the labour required.

Nick Hewer stood watching the guys gardening like a senior probation officer overseeing a group of young offenders. He looked rightly concerned when Simon hovered underneath Tre who was up a ladder, trimming a hedge with a chain saw. When the World's Angriest Man has a chain saw in his hands, you really don't want to be standing under him. Though it has to be said he was calm at this point, and seemed quite effective. It was later in the day the more familiar, foul mouthed Tre returned when Paul and Katie decided to spend their time trying to line up DJing jobs at Richmond pubs, despite his instructions not to.

As night fell, both teams were allowed to change business activity. The boys decided to do singograms - although Tre's promised beat-boxing never materialised or was never shown - and the girls decided to do Kissograms. The kissograms idea seemed to be pushed by Kristina Grimes - a name that sounds like it came from the pen of Roald Dahl - and team leader Naomi bowed to it despite earlier likening it to prostitution. Their actions were pretty grisly as a motley crue of men were kissed, squeezed and hugged in exchange for a few quid.

The teams met in the boardroom to discover that the girls had made £65 profit during the day and the boys had made £189 - almost doubling the seed money, as Tre quickly pointed out.

Team leader Naomi kept Gerri back to face Sir Alan - citing location as being one reason for failure - and also Jadine for her apparent disruptiveness.

Sir Alan went through them listing their faults as he saw them, and it's obvious he has really mastered the art of the tease.

"And Jadine...."

OMG - He's gonna fire Jadine!!

"For that reason, Naomi...."

Naomi's gonna get fired - yay!!

And then he goes and spoils it all by saying Gerri, you're fired. He decided she had failed one too many times on location (remembering episode one) and she didn't seem to fight for her position. It seemed to me that the business itself (face painting) was flawed, and finding a location was nigh on impossible. So Naomi deserved to be sacked for that alone, and I was amazed he didn't make more of the kissogram farce.

Sir Alan - this week you got it wrong. Tre's stock went up, and Naomi's went down.

Labels: apprentice, review, tv